My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
