I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
