That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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