Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
