did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She announced her abortion via fbk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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