i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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