All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
