Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have feelings that need drinking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
