He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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