Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pooping to opera.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
