You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
