they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
