Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
