Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
