I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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