i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
