is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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