i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
