Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
