My cat gives me a boner
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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