You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
