Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
