If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
