I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
