Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
