i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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