All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
