im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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