It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
