When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
