it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
