So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
