Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
