I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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