Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
