Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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