It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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