he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
