so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
