My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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