Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
