we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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