I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
