please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
is that a dick in a sweater?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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