If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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