I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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