What did we do last night that was yellow?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
