i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My dick has a subreddit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
