Please, let me fuck your mom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
