Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
