I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
