I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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