now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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